It's In The Bag - December 2008
I have abandoned Welly Street and my delicious housemates for a Christmas at home with the parents and so far it has been nothing short of delightful. Watching television on a vast selection of fully functioning channels with a multitude of fridges and cupboards and copious snacks at hand is exactly how a religious holiday should be celebrated, surely? It’s just a shame that my palatial environment with its soft furnishings, wooden floors, candles and glass photo frames is far better enjoyed in pyjamas…Obviously I haven’t maintained a vegetative state for the entire duration of the holiday, I’ve been out to lunch two, maybe three times, and I have also had an assignment to complete for university. That done, in celebration I cooked dinner for my parents and I; a culinary ordeal which involved a jaunt to the soon to be ruler of the world, Tesco.
While the trip was jolly in a multitude of ways (I am a massive fan of supermarkets – I maintain that they are called ‘super’ for a reason) it was all tainted somewhat by my mother’s failure to bring with her any form of re-useable bag. Minus ten points for Ma Barker. Now, when questioned about my likes and dislikes I may reel off quite a collection of food items, activities and other random experiences, for example I like receiving post, but a dislike which will remain at the top of my list next to rudeness and disappearing hair grips is plastic carrier bags.
A plastic bag can be described as a type of flexible packaging made of a thin, harmful, foolishly invented plastic film used to aid the ignorant human on its merry way containing and transporting almost everything ever, which is then collected maniacally and stored in the cupboard under the sink in one, larger, carrier bag. Yes, yes, plastic carrier bags are not entirely without their uses; the odd cyclist caught in a rain shower puts a carrier to good use as a seat cover, there is no doubt about that, but while a wet arse dries in 10 minutes a plastic bag takes 10 years to decompose.
My main issue with carrier bags lies in the enormous use of resources in the manufacture, transportation and disposal of a product widely believed to be a single use item. My feelings toward the kleptomaniac-esque hoarding of carrier bags are also directed in equal measure toward those who use carrier bags as bin liners, abusing the reduce, re-use, recycle slogan in the most offensive way possible. They may be re-using the bag, but only the once and ultimately it will still end up in the bin. (At this point I feel it my duty to introduce the notion of bio-degradable bin liners to you. They are literally right next to the regular ones. Not a stretch for the imagination, purse strings OR arm.)
The immediate solution to this would appear to be the Bags for Life which now loiter at the side of all tills in supermarkets. Regrettably I believe that Bags for Life are not the answer. A Bag for Life is merely a thicker, more highly decorated version of the original plastic carrier and is used by retailers to shame customers into a pretence of eco warrior-ship for the benefit of whoever is serving you. Bags for Life are also usually the aforementioned larger carrier bag used to store their smaller swinish counterparts under the sink.
So what I wonder is the solution, since I appear to have shot every other alternative out of the water? Multi-functioning items are the way forward; they are the solution. Hurrah for the basket you use for laundry! Whoop whoop to the boxes in the bottom of your wardrobe you keep absolutely nothing in! I applaud your peg-baskets, rudimentary filing systems and that wicker thing you use to keep the dustpan and brush in. These containers are sturdy, long lasting and probably kicking about in your garage with nothing better to do. Put them in your car boot, transfer your shopping from trolley to box/bag/basket for the journey home, remove these from the car upon arrival, distribute groceries amongst cupboards and then - here’s the revolutionary part - use them for something else.
By Jove, I think she’s cracked it.
Go on, do away with the savagely inappropriate bag collection I KNOW you are stockpiling under your sink, you don’t need them, won’t use them and frankly, Mr Muscle is feeling a little crowded. Use something else, and use it lots. Then, give yourself a little pat on the back.
A light-hearted "Green Living" article from Brogan Jane (The Bagless Lady)